Not meant for pity sake Just for Prayer.

Learning to trust in you, DAILY

I often wonder what gets me through each sleepless night to exhausted day...

This years has proven to be a long trial for me. Let me run it down.

1. We lost my Grandma from a long battle with COPD and Emphesema (sp) Sept 2007

2. Brenton and Heather's Dad Leon a month later from Pancreatic Cancer Oct 2007

3. Dec 2008 we lost Papa Akins from a long suffering battle with cancer.

4. Then it happened I lost my Best Friend, My Husband, My companion.

Brenton left us March 31, 2009

5. We lost Reilly (my Cousin) May 7, 2009.

6. We lost my Grandpa from Cancer October 21, 2009

7. March 31, 2010 it has been a year since Brenton has left.

8. We remember Reilly on May 7, 2010

9. September 2, 2010 we lose my Great Uncle Bernie to years of sickness.

10. My Step Father-in-Law Donal...Kids GranDonal is dying..they give him about 3 more days if that.

11. Wednesday 22nd Heather and I have to sit in front of lawyers and discuss things that out me in depair. I don't want to remember...I don't want to think of such things.

What really gets me about everything ....GOD sure loves my family.

What a Rock he is for us all. Could you imagine a world without him, I CAN'T. I don't want to.

I believe from Faith comes Strength. Looking back all I wanna do is lay my face on the ground and Thank Him so much for his Love for me. How could anyone love such a wretched sinner as I am, but he does so much.

So the next time you catch me feeling sorry for myself and making it all about my sadness....remind me just how much He loves me.

The introduction of 2010

Wow! Really.

I have a hard time believing that I am looking at 2010. Well let's look at it, What is to come.

1. I have prayed, prayed some more and came to a conclusion. Some of you may not understand my decision and that is all good. We will be staying in the house. (if you need explanation, call me)

2. With the decision in #1 made known....I am re-doing the kitchen. (CHEAP) New counters, new paint, new backsplash and I would really like a over the stove microwave but it will have to wait.

3. I am going to paint my tray ceiling in the bedroom.

4. I am going to update all of the knobs and things that are now brass.

5. I am going to do this CHEAP (not cheap stuff)

I am going to do these things over time so as not to spend a lot of money. I am VERY open to any suggestions that anyone might have.

Just a Note...

I must say first sorry for not blogging for the last 2 months.

Now....

Things of course are not the same this year. With you gone I am different.

How am I?? Well that question is kind of repetitive really. I am only as good as the day I am having. If the kids are good then I am having pretty good day. If Brittany is not being an obnoxious 14 year old girl, the day is good.(really good). When I get a lot done in the house then I am having an accomplished day.

When the nights are looonnnggg and sleepless then of course the day is even longer. Then you have the introduction of cranky and moody. Those days nobody appreciates. (not even me) Usually the days are less then exciting. I don't do much really, honestly.

Here goes..

My Day by Ally Sears

Grade 28 God's College of Humilty

I wake (if I have slept) up at 6:30 to get Brittany up for school.

6:45 I wake Brittany up again....(you know how she is)

6:55 I holler down stairs to make sure she is up. (again, I know)

7:15 I am up to dress the Littles and follow Brittany around to say things like...Did you eat?

Did you wash your face? Did you make your lunch? Do you have your homework? No Brittany you may not watch tv while you get ready for school. Where are your shoes? Why is the TV on? Where did Lillie go? What is the dog eating?

7:45 Please get in the van so we can go to school...Where are your shoes and why aren't they on your feet?

Stop yelling at your sister, Don't talk to your brother that way.

8:20 Drop Brittany off at school.

8:45-9:00 Return home. Just get out of the car, Wyatt we are not going to Toys r us.

9:00-10:00 Enjoy (usually)a nice breakfast with the Littles and feed the dogs (Wyatt's Chore)

10:00- 11:45ish School with Littles

11:45 Crafts with Littles

12:30 Lunch (cleaning as I try to eat)

1:00-2:00 Free time for all three of us (Mine and kids chores as well)

2:00 Leave to pick up Brittany from school (twins sleep on the way there and back)

3:00 Home again

4:00 to 4:30 ish Start dinner if it is an oven thing if not start at 5:00

5:30 Dinner (really 5:30-5:45-6pm ish)

Brittany cleans up

Cleaning

bath and showers

Cleaning (not tonight btw)

relax

Seems like it would be a pretty boring day huh?! I love school and craft time. I love being home with the Littles, I love doing projects in the house, I don't love when my back hurts but it makes me appreciate life that much more.

I hate (yes I am a hater)not having you here. I feel kinda weird sometimes, I say weird because it is a new feeling for me. Sometimes I think you are gonna come home from work (not a lot but sometimes), I think those moments happen when I am truly caught off guard. I will be making dinner and just for a second I expect you to walk in and say.."Hey, Baby. How was your day?"

I get soooo mad at you a lot. How could you be gone? Weird!!

Most of my days are tearless (really) again weird. You would think I would cry all the time. I do have what I think is an explanation.

GOD'S EMBRACE, GOD'S GRACE, GOD'S LOVE. (not smart comments you) God is the only one who TRULY gets it. He knows. That is why I think that I am okay. You may not believe me but you of all people know that I really trust that Father of mine to make it all okay. (even when it seems like it's not)

Dude, I love him!! He is an Awesome God, I wouldn't have made it till now without him. So my love remember this...YOU DID LEAVE US IN GREAT HANDS!!

Now for Family...here are some pics of the kids. Love you all!

Wyatt and Lillian's 4th birthday

Me

Brittany (oh my goodness)

Littles

DISNEY ON ICE!!!!

CLICK ON THE PICS TO ENLARGE:

Wanna know something Cool!!!

I just had the best little conversation with my cousin, Carla. She is really a cool person that I never really got to know much about. I hope it works out to have her and Adam come for a visit early next year.

Super excited!!

My Cool Bee

LOOOK